Let me start this post by telling you something. Just in case it offends you, y'know. This is *whisper*, a...sponsored post! "Oh Satan's minions, has the Little Scribbler gone and sold her soul to some evil affiliate?!", I hear you cry. Well the short and, somewhat less dramatic answer is, no I haven't. I was approached with a proposal from Very.co.uk on a project they're doing based around the question, "does my bum look big in this?"
Being ample of behind, I had a right good chuckle and thought it sounded right up my
back alley. Fnar. Are you still with me? Or have you run for the hills? Allow me to add that I have been offered blogger projects in the past that I've turned down flat as they didn't fit my tone or aesthetic or because they just sounded downright rubbish! But, as I said, I like this one.
I started off taking a peek at going out dresses from Very for inspiration. But then I got to thinking about all things bottom related. You see, while I sometimes allude to my generous posterior and, whilst you can see that I'm a hippy lass, you never actually see my bum on here. No, don't worry, I'm not about to go all porno on you. It's just that, although "does my bum look big in this?" is a hugely stereotypical lady question, it's not one I ever bother asking. Why? Because the answer 100% of the time is: YES. My bum looks big in everything. It's a big curvy bum! And if you don't like it, you can (and probably should) look away. That's right, in honour of the question, I am going to showcase some of my favourite outfits from behind. Feast your eyes on this little lot...
Ah, the classic, bum-skimming full skirt. Friend of many a pear shaped girl. Yup, if I want my waist to feel particularly waspy or just feel like having a non bum flaunting day, I'm a big fan of a full skirt or dress. Engineering and proportion play at it's finest.
Who says you have to wear heels with a short skirt if you've not got the longest or shapeliest legs? Not me! And, if you've been reading a while, you'll probably know that leopard print is my essential neutral of choice, so it's only natural that I plaster it across my arse. And on my socks.
The pencil skirt. It's only recently that I've actually found a pencil skirt that's willing to deal with my proportions and, truth be told, I'm pulling it in a bit at the top here. All I'm saying is gawd bless lycra! And shiny red shoes. It has to be said that, on account of the length they hit at, my pencils really do need a good pair of heels.
The maxi. First up, I need to ponder what the jiggery my hair is doing in this picture! It's gone all funny and poufy! And it looks like I'm wearing some kinda 80s iced blue eyeshadow. I'm not. I do enjoy the maxi. It takes me back to my 90s hippy skirt days. However, I actually find maxi skirts really hard to wear now. So many of them just make me look like a lump. But I like this one. It's nice lightweight jersey and really easy to wear.
I hope you'll agree that I saved the best for last...
Ass in yo' face! I bloody love this dress! It's from ASOS but I spied a nice leopard body con number on Very. Look - the relative size of my hands hopefully gives you an indicator of just how big my butt is! The thing is, as a general rule, I'm pretty happy with my bum and I rejoice in it's giant-ness. At school I got the piss ripped out of me for having a big booty. Now people pay for ass implants (I find that mental too, by the by) and revere J-Lo, Kim Kardashian (for their butts alone I do hope. Mind you, that "Get on the Floor" was pretty dance-tastic. Kim, I have nothing else nice to say about you.) and Beyonce. So, I say, whatever its size, embrace your ass - it's the only one you have and you probably sit on it a lot, so be kind to yo' behind!
Here's a bit of what Very's bum survey revealed: