Warning! This post looks like a load of crap eBay listings...

I'm not joking. It is literally just pictures of clothes on my bed. You could come to my house on any given day and see a sight like this because I am messy. That's right, I am a messy bugger. I leave crap lying about everywhere (a bare surface is just an un-utilised storage space for me) and, especially leave clothes lying about on the bed. I tidy them all away before I sleep in it.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is not to afford you a sneak peek into my slovenly shame but, instead, to shamelessly flaunt some bargains in yo' face. In yo' face!

Did any of you happen to catch the American Apparel April Fool's sale? I did, courtesy of a sharing kinda colleague who sent me the email. They claimed they were giving away a bunch of free shit and, initially, I assumed it was, as they stated, an April Fool. Heck, even the code to enter at checkout was april1st or aprilfool (I can't remember which. Who honestly cares? Point is, it felt like they were messing with me!). The dealio was that if you spent over a tenner, you could claim up to 5 selected things free by entering aforementioned code of fool-tastic-ness at checkout. Seemed like a swizz to get me on site and browsing but I was off work and most likely sitting about scratching my behind so it seemed like a fair waste of time. Plus, I knew I wasn't gonna fork out a load of money on site for two reasons. One - I had no money. Two - AA stuff is OK but, for the prices they ordinarily charge, the quality can be questionable. I applaud the fact that they're sweat shop free but if the quality is guff, the fashion maths don't add up. Anyway, as luck would have it, the offer was NOT a swizz and they had some ridic sale items on site too. Here's what I bagged for a tenner (yup, ten pounds* - you'll understand my use of bold as you scroll down and absorb the size of the bounty) plus four quid postage.

A gold lame braided belt. FREE. I can't decide whether to belt something with this, wind it round my head in the style of either a hippy or 'boho babe' or to just style it with a smoking jacket and velvet slippers and become a pimp.

5 baseball tops! £1.50 each. I'm well on my way to starting a team!

2 boring t-shirts for the gym. FREE. They're handy to have now that I genuinely go to the gym heaps. 5 classes and a swim steam/sauna so far this week - FACT!

a bikini top that barely covers the nips. FREE! No doubt if I keep this gym habit up my boobs will wilt away to nothing. Then I'll be glad of this baby. Or maybe I'll just find my inner beach ho style this summer.

A denim braided belt. FREE. This one does not have the same big pimpin' style as the other but I'm sure I'll find a use for it...

A black jersey skirt/dress. £2.60. As a high waisted skirt it's loose on the waist, tight on the hips and a weird length. Pulled up as a dress it skims nicely and is just the right length. Banging.

That's all folks!

*For the mathematically pernickity among you, yes the grand total was actually £10.10.

A vintage dress goes to a wedding

It didn't go on it's own, of course. I wore it. To my cousin's wedding. I didn't wear it with the crappy hair. Truth be told, I didn't actually get an outfit shot on the night so I recreated the full outfit, retrospectively, for your pleasure. And because I'm wearing shoes #58 for the first time since I started the challenge and I may not wear them again (who knows), so I HAD to get the shot! They're blue suede Schuhs. Uh, huh, huh!

Big platform? Check. Towering heel? Check. Peep toe? Check. It's looking good so far. The colour's more vibrant then either picture suggests and the suede is buttery soft. Buttery. In fact, I can't believe it's not butter. I tried rubbing them on my toast one time but it didn't taste so good. The finisher is the tres gorge metallic leather bow. Really - these shoes are absolutely cracking - they're just not that feasible as every day wear.

I probably shouldn't draw your attention to this but it kinds looks like I have really bad sock marks in this one - haha!

Here it all is, complete with the aforementioned bad hair (it's pinned back a lot these days - it's getting a bit long and I swear all the sweat from all the exercise I'm doing is giving me spots, so I'm trying to keep my hair off my face so as not to make it worse. Any spot busting tips gratefully received!) and sleepy expression.

Dress: vintage, Shoes: Schuh, tights: who knows? Necklace: Lady Luck Rules OK

I'd like to tell you that the necklace was some kind of romantic gift. In fact, let's say it was. It was to me with love from me. Isn't it cute! Plus, I can help singing along whenever I see it. "Baby I loooooove you, come on baby"

Fuck yeah, sunshine!

Firstly, apologies to those of a sensitive nature and the easily offended. I just REALLY felt like dropping a big fat swear word in there. So I did it. Uh-huh. Look, I don't smoke, so swearing is my big, cool and clever thing to do. Plus, did you also note that I dropped the 's' bomb (sunshine people - keep up). I live in Scotland. Ordinarily, it is chilly, sometimes wet, often grey and nondescript. So, when the sun shines and it's actually warm, I drop the 'f' bomb, neds and chavs lose their tops and blind the innocent with their pasty spotty torsos and skanky chicks of all ages whip out their corn beef thighs and saggy babs and erode the innocence of the pure. (Don't get me wrong, I'm all for 'if you've got it flaunt it' and a good dose of body confidence but, if you're rough as sin, cover it up a wee bit). Evidence presented m'lud, I think you'll find my offence by far the last, well, offensive of all. Hear, hear!

So, it is the age old dilemma - what should one wear when the sun shines? A girl on the radio this morning summed it up nicely: "when the sun shines, I get out my summer wardrobe. I wear a t-shirt with my jeans instead of a jumper". Good lass. But, seriously, as one with 'big legs' and a tendency to break sweat in the heat, (you so want to meet me in real life right now, dontcha?) I find summer dressing really quite tricky and it does often consist of swapping boots and closed shoes for sandals and flip flops and losing a layer somewhere. So gawd bless the maxi dress...

Dress: H&M, Belt: Primark, Sunnies: Urban Outfitter

Here's one I picked up last year in H&M. I frigging love it. Leopard print? Yes please. Plus there's millions of fabric in it so you're afforded the ability to waft around like a veritable safari goddess. However, I didn't realise during my coveting of it that it was intended as beach wear and is completely and totally see through. A wee slip dress underneath has seen to that problem though. Because the dress isn't leopardy enough on its own, I wore leopard print sunglasses with it.

And a leopard print belt. Bite me.

No need for a necklace with bejazzling detail like this on the neck line.

And the shoes? Number 57 in the shoe wearing challenge. What could be better on a sunny day, with a cool maxi dress, than a lovely gold pair of Havaianas? I managed to curb my rabid Havaianas habit last year - I realised that people don't just say things like "there's only so many pairs of shoes you can wear" for shits and giggles. Nope, I did some Scottish weather maths, discounted the "only so many shoes you can wear" theory (you want a fight?) but realised that the sensible investment wasn't in millions of pairs of flip flops I can wear about 4 and a half days a year and I was far better investing in heels I can't walk in. Duh. Still, I am a sucker for a cute pair of Havaianas and these gold ones are as much of an every day staple in summer for me as leopard print is the year round. This is the closest you're getting to my feet right now. They don't smell (on the contrary, Lush's Vanilla Puff Power keeps them sweet enough to eat), they're just NOT summer ready yet. Look - there's another pair of Havis...

Flip flops - Havaianas @ Schuh

Flea my pretties, flea!

So, technically, I know it's "Fly my pretties, fly!" But this post's about a flea market trip. D'you see what I did there. God, I should work in Marketing or something. 

Yes, my local hall has started hosting a monthly (I think!), flea market. They do all sorts of other stuff at the hall  (art fairs, exhibitions, drama-y stuff etc) and, thus far, whenever I've popped in, the flea market's been pretty decent. I didn't buy anything last time I was there but here are today's goodies...

Super cute little picture on a sort of brushed metal. Weird but good. And only a quid.

A purdy dress making pattern for 25p. This'll be great when I finally pull my finger out my ass and start the dress making again. It WILL happen people!

An Alan Rodin (nope, me either and I can't find anything other than expired eBay listings and an Avengers obsessed blog when I Google him either) skirt - based on the only stuff I can find on him, it looks likely it's maybe from the 70s?? If anyone knows anything more I'd love to hear it! I'm always intrigued to hear where/when random brands came from! The skirt is midi-tastic and will be great with some heels, a waisted belt and some coloured tights. It was £4, bartered down from £5. Yay!

And finally. Morticia Addams, eat your 1970's polyester heart out. This thing is freaking awesome! £3 for a full length piece of shiny amazingness. It's hard to see from the picture (and the black really wasn't up for letting me picture it any better either) but the sleeves split open at the shoulder and drape down the front and back of the arm. The waist is super nipped and the skirt full enough to flow over even my pear shaped arse. Look at the wiggly movement even in the picture. The only odd thing is that it has a weird high neck that's almost constricting - maybe it was some kinda fetishy thing. Anyway, I may adjust the neckline. It's by Frank Usher, who I'd already heard of. His website seems to be jammed with naff bridesmaid type dresses now. Shame.

Thank fuck it's tea time. I'm starving!

It was HOW big?!

You need never wonder again with these tremendous tape measure shoes. Actually, you'll be forever wondering because some foo' at Irregular Choice twisted up the tape measure to make a pretty rosette so you ain't goin' be measuring nuffink with it! Aw, but they're so pretty you won't care.

I love these shoes. And I thought it was time to get back to the shoes challenge. For those who don't know (HELLO new readers - man am I excited to see you all - I logged in to do this post and my numbers have gone triple. I'd write this if nobody read it but that fact that people do heartens me no end! THANK YOU!), I'm aiming to wear all of my hundred-ish pair of shoes over the course of a year. The year's up in August and this lil' Irregular Choice pair, from Schuh circa 2004-ish, are pair # 56. Observe the thoroughly munched heel that I've caught between numerous kerbs, paving stones and cobbles around Edinburgh. Damn the kerbs, paving stones and cobbles. DAMN ALL THE KERBS, PAVING STONES AND COBBLES who've ruined my shoes! Sorry - got a bit carried away there. And damn the stupid car park at work too which does wicked and evil work on the toes of shoes too. See left toe below.

I tell thee, it's tough keeping your shoes in decent condition when there are evil cobbles and car parks lurking, waiting to munch fook out of them.

Anyhoo, the point is that, pavement munchery or no pavement munchery, I love these shoes. I have a general rule that heels are high or they're, er not, i.e. I don't do mid or kitten heels. I love a leg lengthening, giant, height giving heel and I appreciate the comfort of a flat once in a while but in-betweenies are just a no go. However, for these pretty little things, I made an exception. They have a delightful almond-esque toe, pretty red trim and the aforementioned rosette embellished with a teeny little red jewel. Adorable. What's not to love?

Now, before you hit the next picture I must issue a warning. It's a mad eye warning. Yup, yet again, the red eye remover thing's made me look well mental. Either that or the exorcism is beginning.

I decided to wear the shoes with something a wee bit girlie, a wee bit blokeish, hence the strapless dress with the lumberjack checked shirt. Oh and the big girlie ass belt. Please also excuse the crap hair. On account of now being a gym angel who goes to the gym ALL THE FREAKING TIME (I've just discovered body combat. I thought I knew what stupid looked like already. However, having now seen myself in the mirror flinging punches at an invisible adversary, I can confirm that I now know what stupid looks like.), I end up taking all my pictures post, post-gym shower when I have no make up on and my hair is crap. Bite me.

For those interested, the dress is Urban Outfitters, shirt Primarni and the belt is from Miss Selfridge. I love it because it's kitsch as a fuzzy rabbit snogging a Babycham fawn (OK, maybe not that kitsch), it makes my waist weeny and because it stops me reaching for a 3pm biscuit on account of its tightness. Winner! And, with that, I am off to bed! Night!

Kreative Blogger Award. Kreative spelling more like...

I must be honest, I'm not entirely sure what the Kreative Blogger award is all about! However, when Abbie tagged me with one, I figured it would be a fun thing to do and a good way of discovering and recommending great blogs. Plus, no-one's ever tagged me with anything or given me a blog award so I must admit I was dead flattered and a wee bit excited!

So, apparently the shizzle with this thing is that you share ten facts about yourself (buckle up and settle down folks) and then tag 10 bloggers you want to pass the award onto. Here goes...

1. I won a karaoke competition at T in the Park. I LOVE karaoke. LOVE it. I can’t sing to save myself (truly, I’m pretty awful) but I make up for it in sheer volume and enthusiasm. In case you’re interested, I sang the Arctic Monkeys ‘I bet you look good on the dance floor’ for the first round (you got RANDOMLY allocated a song – how cruel!) and my prize at the end was a thermo-cup full of Cadbury’s Roses – winner!

This is actually me karaoke-ing at my birthday party. They don't sing Whitters at "T".

2. I HATE cheese but used to work on a cheese counter. I already hated it before I started working there. No joke – even thinking about it for too long makes me gag a bit. And no, I don’t want to try a pizza with cheese on or a little bit of something mild. Cheese = NO! Weirdly, I liked it as a little kid and no-one remembers when I stopped liking it. I think I must have suffered some kind of suppressed cheese trauma.

Pure gies me the boke.

3. I’ve done a marathon. The Moonwalk. It’s a sponsored marathon walk that starts at midnight so, as if a marathon isn’t bad enough, your body clock is, pardon my language, completely fucked too. It was SO hard but I’m super proud I did it.

Me (in the middle) and my marathon beatches at 13 miles and sun rise.

4. I’m obsessed with leopard print. I can’t even explain why, but dresses, shoes, cardigans, bags, accessories, whatever – I don’t care, just make me a version in leopard print. Bet Lynch was SO onto a good thing.

Not slutty, frumpy or tacky - just awesome.

5. I danced with Rudolph Nureyev. He’s a, like, well famous male ballerina of yester-year. That’s right folks, as a young ‘un, I lived the dream and was a tiny dancer. *Breaks off for an Elton John-tastic rendition of tiny dancer*. A ballerina. And I was fortunate enough to share the stage with Nureyev (in Coppelia) before his death, aged only 54. My own ballet career died a death when I was 11 when I finally convinced my parents to stop sending me for lessons – I didn’t really have an aspirations towards being a dancer and my impending pear shape would certainly have bashed it on the head as an option in the year or two following anyway.

Left: Me in my Coppelia costume. Right: Nureyev being an amazing dancer.

6. I didn’t go to university. I never knew what I wanted to do (and am still fumbling somewhat blindly) and, although I was intelligent and did well at school when I applied myself (yes, I was one of those – “needs to talk less and work more” kids), I didn’t see the point in going to uni for the sake of it. A decision affirmed over the following couple of years when I saw more and more people drop out of or mess up degrees they hated or just didn’t care about. Don’t get me wrong, I think uni is AWESOME when the opportunity is grasped and appreciated and it’s done for the right reasons. Sometimes I wish I’d gone and done something and then got some swanky job. Other times I remember that I’ve had good times and I’m in an awesome job that I got over some great graduates anyway. Whatever works for you, non?

 There's no picture to go with this.

7. I’m a total 90s indie chick. Blur, Oasis, The Charlatans, Shed Seven, Ocean Colour Scene, Supergrass, Suede, Ash. I could go on. Those were the glory days…

 

Damon Albarn - swoon!

8. I’m an old married one. It’s not something I define myself by – it’s just one thing I happen to be. I wore (what some people might think were) silly shoes and a silly necklace on my wedding day, we wrote our own vows, we were as chilled as we could be about the whole thing and we walked along the road to the hotel afterwards in our wedding finery and had the best day. Since then it’s been pretty decent too. And that's the important thing.

9. I’m a sucker for a sunset. I really am. I always come back from warm holidays with reams and reams (well I would if they weren’t on a digital camera and if photos were printed in reams. I have digital reams) of sunset pictures. There’s just something about the amazing and ever changing colour combinations burning pink, red, yellow and orange, and cooled with blue, purple, lilac and inky black that entrances me. I find sunsets so joyful and so peaceful. I’m almost never happier than sat on a beach at sunset, ideally with a refreshing cocktail in hand.

"Get me back to shore! That married, indie loving, marathon walking, leopard print loving, cheese hating girl's drinking my cocktail!"

10. I was born on Friday the 13^th. Spooky.

1. Wow! So Sparkly.

2. T*rexes and tiaras

3. Odd socks and pretty frocks

4. Misfits vintage

5. Helga Von Trollop

6. A Million Dresses

7. Foof and Faff

8. I accidentally spent my wages in Topshop

9. Sweethearts Hold Hands

10. Vintage Vixen

I'll drop y'all a little line - many apologies in advance if you've already done this or don't fancy it. At least you bagged a wee mention though, eh? Means I think you're fabulouso!

Fame and Fingernails

Fingernails or fame? Where would you like to start? Let's go with the fingernails.

I never have the time or inclination to do anything fancy with my fingernails. And, if I do, I inevitably ended up trotting about with chipped nails for a good three weeks or so afterwards. I'm just not a delightfully well turned out and and manicured sort of person. I prefer to think of myself as charmingly ramshackle instead. However, this week I decided to try a tip I saw on Gem's blog that looked foolproof enough even for someone as cack handed as me and simply involves taping your nails to create a neat pattern. Nice. Here's how it went:

Grey matte nail polish by Avon. Blurry photography by me.

This is not, as suggested by Gem, Scotch Tape, but the cheapo £1-for-4-rolls-at-the-cashdesk-in-Primark tape. Use it and end up with glue splotches on your nails. Let's say it creates texture.

Et voila! Dark Green nail polish by Illamasqua. I got it free with a magazine subscription and now have it solidly on my nails.

It doesn't look too bad, does it? Thanks for the idea Gem! It looked awful a day later because the matte polish chips horribly and you can't use a top coat on it or it turns it shiny. Bummer. Still, for a day, I felt all fancy and whatnot.

So that was fingernails - what of fame?

Look - it's me! I'm in the List magazine. It's a local (well, it was a local Edinburgh and Glasgow guide but I believe it's now down in the North East of England too) magazine that has all the music/club/art/gig/food/theatre guides and reviews etc. It has a bunch of other articles and interviews etc too and also has flat share and dating sections and a creative jobs area. Within Creative Jobs, they have a regular 'How did you get that job?' article. And this month, they featured lil' old me - hee, hee! Enjoy. If you can make out the words!

Time to go get ready for the gym. I'm hitting up a Bodycombat/Zumba doubler today. I. AM. HARDCORE.