Fuck yeah, sunshine!

Firstly, apologies to those of a sensitive nature and the easily offended. I just REALLY felt like dropping a big fat swear word in there. So I did it. Uh-huh. Look, I don't smoke, so swearing is my big, cool and clever thing to do. Plus, did you also note that I dropped the 's' bomb (sunshine people - keep up). I live in Scotland. Ordinarily, it is chilly, sometimes wet, often grey and nondescript. So, when the sun shines and it's actually warm, I drop the 'f' bomb, neds and chavs lose their tops and blind the innocent with their pasty spotty torsos and skanky chicks of all ages whip out their corn beef thighs and saggy babs and erode the innocence of the pure. (Don't get me wrong, I'm all for 'if you've got it flaunt it' and a good dose of body confidence but, if you're rough as sin, cover it up a wee bit). Evidence presented m'lud, I think you'll find my offence by far the last, well, offensive of all. Hear, hear!

So, it is the age old dilemma - what should one wear when the sun shines? A girl on the radio this morning summed it up nicely: "when the sun shines, I get out my summer wardrobe. I wear a t-shirt with my jeans instead of a jumper". Good lass. But, seriously, as one with 'big legs' and a tendency to break sweat in the heat, (you so want to meet me in real life right now, dontcha?) I find summer dressing really quite tricky and it does often consist of swapping boots and closed shoes for sandals and flip flops and losing a layer somewhere. So gawd bless the maxi dress...

Dress: H&M, Belt: Primark, Sunnies: Urban Outfitter

Here's one I picked up last year in H&M. I frigging love it. Leopard print? Yes please. Plus there's millions of fabric in it so you're afforded the ability to waft around like a veritable safari goddess. However, I didn't realise during my coveting of it that it was intended as beach wear and is completely and totally see through. A wee slip dress underneath has seen to that problem though. Because the dress isn't leopardy enough on its own, I wore leopard print sunglasses with it.

And a leopard print belt. Bite me.

No need for a necklace with bejazzling detail like this on the neck line.

And the shoes? Number 57 in the shoe wearing challenge. What could be better on a sunny day, with a cool maxi dress, than a lovely gold pair of Havaianas? I managed to curb my rabid Havaianas habit last year - I realised that people don't just say things like "there's only so many pairs of shoes you can wear" for shits and giggles. Nope, I did some Scottish weather maths, discounted the "only so many shoes you can wear" theory (you want a fight?) but realised that the sensible investment wasn't in millions of pairs of flip flops I can wear about 4 and a half days a year and I was far better investing in heels I can't walk in. Duh. Still, I am a sucker for a cute pair of Havaianas and these gold ones are as much of an every day staple in summer for me as leopard print is the year round. This is the closest you're getting to my feet right now. They don't smell (on the contrary, Lush's Vanilla Puff Power keeps them sweet enough to eat), they're just NOT summer ready yet. Look - there's another pair of Havis...

Flip flops - Havaianas @ Schuh

Summer Lovin'!

I don't know about you guys, but I can't wait for spring and summer to start creeping back in. I hate the dark mornings and evenings, so I love it when the daylight starts creeping back in. Snowdrops are always the first thing that tells me Mother Nature's getting her freak on and waking up again. Plus, spring/summer equals new clothes AND rediscovering goodies squirrelled at the back of the wardrobe. Don't get me wrong, I AM in Scotland so I don't exactly prepare for tropical or anything but a little sunshine from time to time does us pasty sorts good. Don't forget the spf though peeps. Never forget the spf.

Anyway, why am I getting on my hobby horse about the joys of spring? It's actually because a) the dark winter afternoon view outside is so bleak and b) the lovely Matalan folks sent me through a copy of their spring/summer lookbook and there's some delicious stuff in there. Regardez:

Pretty cover, non? It unfolds and the inside is all floral. If you get a floral card from me any time soon, you better know it was recycled from inspired by the look book! I'm the first to admit, I haven't been down to my local Matalan in ages and I hadn't realised how fashion forward some of their stuff has become! I figured I'd start my lookbook summary with things I love but cannot wear: Jumpsuits and voluminous trousers. This jumpsuit is super cute and the model looks adorable in it - it's just got such a lovely laid back vibe. However, my pear shaped proportions just don't look good in loose fit jumpsuits like this. If you're willowy though or evenly proportioned, go forth, wear and look amazing! Now, I say both of these are looks I couldn't work but I am sorely tempted to try the trousers. They just look so breezy and comfortable. Again, there are issues on the thigh-age front (nothing looks good strained over a thigh. No it doesn't.) but hareem pants they ain't so they could be worth a bash - maybe I'll try them when they land. Again, if you're sleek of leg, I'd so recommend these with a pair of wedges (see below! Handy, eh?)

Anyway, let's shift on to something I can definitely wear - dresses! First up, can't afford Mui, Mui? Get yourself down to Matalan. Their cherry print dress is very reminiscent of Mui Mui's resort collection (they actually have an apple print playsuit too which is a dead ringer print wise) as is the casual striped sundress. I know where my print fix will be coming from (unless I win the lottery or summat in which case a wee Mui Mui treat could be on the cards). And, whilst I love the cherry print, you may have noticed by now that I am a SUCKER for a floral. And the dress on the bottom left is right up my street - 50's waisted styling, demure, floral, bows - what's not to love?! And just as a little departure from the others which, admittedly are all in a similar vein (type, me?), I had to pop in the gorgeous orange halter maxi dress. Let's assume I will make it on holiday this year. If so, you'll see me lurking about the bar in this, preferably whilst drinking a delicious cocktail! That's just how I roll baby!

As a general rule, I'm not a huge bag girl (yes, I know I work the bag lady look on occasion but that's an entirely different matter) but this little lot are definitely worth a mention. I'm all about a bag with a decent strap (impractical shoes, I love. Impractical bags just annoy me. I'm sorry!) and this little lot have summer written all over them. Again, we have florals and stripes - please do not co-ordinate these with your dress. Clash them by all means but no matchy, matchy. I'd suggest, you go for one of the pretty tan satchels with patterns - work the 70s look.

And speaking of the 70s look, I'm actually much more excited by it than I initially thought I'd be. I'm definitely more in the favour of the chilled out 70s vibe than the chic Chloe-esque lady (that look is killer but it's SO not me. I'm too messy and I'd only spill stuff down my wide legged camel trousers or pussy bow blouse) and the raffia platform sandals and buckle wedges both fit the look perfectly! In fact I think when I'm at the bar, in the maxi dress with the cocktail, I'll also be wearing the wedges!

Shoe-wise, my floral obsession is definitely catered for here. I love, love, love the cream tapestry effect platforms and will be stalking the website until they come in. I'm also enjoying the strappy platform peep toes (are you feeling my love of all things platform here? I actually am pretty picky with my shoes - I'm just bowled over by how many nice ones were in the look book and I struggled to edit them down!) and the ribbon brogues. Which do you prefer? Do you ever shop at Matalan? Will you now?

OMKP (that's Oh My Katy Perry), I think I want a rubber dress!

Wow! Katy Perry is getting all kinds of down with this rubber dress thing right now. I'm not a big fan of flag based fashion so I personally wouldn't be so much up for the America <3 the UK dress, although I suspect Wonder Woman is currently eating her heart out.

My major crush is on the pink and blue palm tree clad effort. I love a print and bold use of colour and, darn it, the girl looks GOOD in it. Jealous? Much? Plus, check the matching pink lips 'n' nails and fully clashing sunnies. It's just all too awesome for words. So I'll stop.

Because, the thing is, beyond the 'how do you pee?' and 'how do you get it on if you're remotely warm?' questions, rubber dresses do have their upsides. How figure sculpting is that stuff? It just sooks you in and hold everything in place. It's as if you have no wobbly bits. Plus, when your tipsy friend accidentally slings a glass of vino tinto your way, no problem - simply wipe clean!! Plus, it's SO a look - the chance are that no-one's gonna rock up in the same dress as you. Unless you're at Torture Garden or summat in which case it's a distinct possibility.

Note to Amber Rose - I'm advocating the use of a rubber dress. Human condom isn't where this is at. Go forth and be plastic fantastic!

hot, hot heat

So, wow - it's been a beautiful weekend! Especially for us pasty Scottish folk. But the hot weather got me to thinking about fashion crimes commited when the temperature soars AND those who get it right when the mercury rises.

On Saturday, I chose to rock (if I do say so myself), my gorgeous new yellow leopard print maxi dress, courtesy of H and M, belted at the waist so as not to look like a moo-moo. Fling on some gold Havaianas (the most comfortable flip flop) and I was hot to trot. Of course it was far too hot to trot anywhere, so I made do with a casual stroll.

Now, there were some lovely ladies out there working fabulous looks. I'm favouring rolled up denim cut off shorts with an oversized slouchy vest or cotton top worked with some slouchy military sandals - check out these lovelies from schuh! Anything that says casual and comfortable yet chic works for me. Sadlly, my legs are not fortunate enough to be knocking about in shorts but I just look on enviously and give silent fashion points to anyone I see doing a good job with them.

What doesn't work? Hmm - black skinnies, black top, tan leather jacket? Any other day, I'd rate it as understated chic. On a HOT day, it's a sweaty mess of a no-no! Ditto military boots. I am LOVING them and am so on for them being worked for S/S - it's schuh ones I'm feeling again - but, on a day so hot, they're all wrong. However, my pet hate is the very British, 'no idea what to do on a hot day' wearers of inappropriate-unless-in-a-gym (and even them you're pushing it) jersey leisure wear. It does no favour and makes the lithest of people look lumpy. And slobby. Oh dear. Still, maybe better that than a crispy yet wobbly overexposed torso, eh?

Ladies, if in doubt, flaunt what you got, and hide what you don't with cool cotton. God bless the maxi dress...

ps - Baz Luhrmann (or Mary Schmich) had it bang on with the sunscreen!